Saturday, November 17, 2012

When Sasiprapha Smiles

Sasiprapha, who's untainted expression of pure joy & delight, is a soul balm.
When Sasiprapha Smiles, was my fumbling first draft attempt to describe what I have learned about the term neurologists call 'affective states,' in how our brain/nervous system matures and functions through interpersonal relations. It is written as a dyadic, 2 person relationship to describe how we affect each other, and reflects my need to understand my own bipolar type 1 affective (mood) disorder.

Writing continues to help me integrate my reading & experience, in a process that is continuing to unfold. As they say, "recovery to wholeness & wellness is a process, not an event. Written between the  months of April - August, 2010, it represents the first tentative step, in "un-peeling the union," of inner sensations, at the core of traumatic experience.

Writing, continues to aid the process of integrating recently acquired "intellectual" knowledge, into an experiential, knowing? Coming into a sense of that organic process, underlying my minds rather mechanical rationalizations of "this or that" symptom expressions, has revealed a different, more holistic sense-of-self, beyond a previously taken for granted, "I think therefore I am," paradoxically stuck in my head, simply maintaining, mental illness? As the header on my blog Bipolar Disorder Batesy states, "Education has taught me that bipolar involves the autonomic nervous system, not just the brain alone?" The writing towards better self-awareness and understanding continues at: Born to Psychosis, something of an online memoir with links to all the referenced material, of my self-educated recovery journey. Thank God, for the internet.

When Sasiprapha Smiles was written prior to my reading of Peter Levine's "In an UnSpoken Voice," in early 2011, when I began to use Levine's trauma release exercise's to unravel the habitual muscular constriction, (postural maladjustment) in which implicit memories of trauma are trapped in muscle and tissue. Writing Sasiprapha Smiles began to un-peel the "intellectualized," mind-based defense of avoiding inner sensations, while post "In an UnSpoken Voice" I have developed a "mind-less" tension release routine, which has allowed me to remain medication free.

"Lose your mind and come to your senses." _Fritz Perls.

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